November 19, 2012

Just in time for the holidays!

Last night we watched "Brave".  Great movie.  

I just wonder though.... 

am I Brave?

(minor plot revelation!) When I'm actually in the place where I've cast a spell, transformed my momma into a bear, and I'm about to lose everything, would I be Brave?

What does this look like in our non-animated lives?  Let's think.  

You're going about your day, and get a phone call.  Your mom is sick.  Or, your husband tells you about an impending layoff.  You're at the end of the day, and your kids have driven you batty, and you don't have any idea how you're going to get through tomorrow.  

Ouch.  Brave the Movie sounds way more fun than any of this.  At least more interesting!  And certainly more short-lived.  Two hours, and bam, problems solved, to a level of awesome not anticipated by anyone but the writers!  

But hey, what else are movies for, except to tell us a great story, and inspire us a little?  Or a lot?  That's why I love movies.  Tell me a story, let me leave the theater or living room feeling more hopeful or at least driven to action, as in the case of movies that just hurt to watch.  

But in this case, my reality doesn't have her hair, or her ability to wrap up my problems with this level of immediacy.  But I was still so inspired.  

Inspired to THRIVE.  Not to stop hoping!  

So, what is this ofttimes illusive "hope"?

Glad you asked.  

"In Scripture, according to the Hebrew and Greek words translated by the word “hope” and according to the biblical usage, hope is an indication of certainty. “Hope” in Scripture means “a strong and confident expectation.” Though archaic today in modern terms, hope is akin to trust and a confident expectation."

Hope - so precious, soul-guarding, life-giving hope.  And so easily cast aside, given up on, surrendered too easily, and so worth fighting for.

Does hope permeate your soul?  I would venture to say that most of us don't have that sense, that strong and confident expectation that God is going to work some wonderful things into their lives, or that we can have a "good" life in the midst of the most challenging circumstances.  

How do we even get there?  To be those that live in a mindset that doesn't feel permeated by anxiety, worries, fear of the future or of what's happening in the moment, constantly looking inward, to those who life confidently, to live others-focused, and aren't dragged around by emotions?  Stable, secure, even relaxed, when the toughest circumstances cast heavy, huge shadows around us, and threaten to take everything?  

It takes some serious determination and focus to get rid of the funk that we may be used to dwelling in.  Focus that casts aside immediately every single thing or thought that sucks the life out of us, or worries.  

It takes a desire that is stronger than you may even have in you right now to get serious with this issue.  But folks, this is your whole life.  Your whole life, everything you have worked so hard for - how hard did you work to get where you are today?  If, as is not hard to imagine, you endured school, relationship issues, family issues, financial challenges, etc, and you can look around you with even a modicum of satisfaction, are you not willing to get your mind and heart in a good place to enjoy all the things you were blessed with?  How about those kids?  Do you have any freedom of heart and mind whatsoever to enjoy them?  

Please, let's just decide together, by the grace and power of God almighty, to hope in Him.  To believe Him, and let the confidence grow in you, to get absolutely fed up with the lies you have been told and believed, that things won't get better, in fact, they'll probably get worse, that your life is hopeless or your situations have no hope of getting better, that God doesn't see you or love you, or doesn't hear you.  

HE DOES.  He loves, he gives, he always and forever, sees you, hears you, adores you, and won't give up on you.  

DON'T wait till things get better before you decide to live.  Living in the most holy sense, of trusting him to take care of you.

Stay tuned as we talk about how to walk it out, the practical steps of how you do this life with joy.  Just in time for Christmas.  Nothing in your life has to change except the way you hope, the way you think, and it will powerfully change the way you feel.  Not because we're so great, or able to do this in our own brilliance or power, but just living the life the way God told us to.  That's it.  

November 17, 2011

The Vine And YoSelf

It's a pleasant word.  Vine.  I think of deep, rich colors like greens, purples of grapes, sun shining down, dew and frost in a vineyard from nighttime.  I can see the vine travelling throughout the vineyard, leaves and branches, clusters of grapes.  It's enough to make one want to get to Italy :)  It's one of my primary Biblical realities that I live by.

I have a small tree in my backyard.  I wish I had watered it more, and had it better cared for, because this last hailstorm in Texas really tore at its poor leaves.  It's got a few branches and leaves on it, but it was beaten badly by this crazy weather we have here.  And it's out there all alone, just a small tree without the covering of other trees nearby to help absorb some of the heat, freeze, and hail that inevitably comes in our changing Texas seasons.

My friend, you reading, I have to ask - how is your inflow today?  Setting aside everything facing you - setting aside, with determination, everything pounding at you this morning, with your heart tearing through the crowds like the woman with the issue of bleeding, toward your Savior.  Strive to the shedding of blood to get that ministry, that inner healing, that power to live, to rise and overcome, and to see your mind renewed.  There is nothing else in the heavens or earth that will bring true, lasting, deep healing. 

You determining in your heart to not allow anything but Jesus Christ to be your first, foremost, your focus, above your circumstances, your finances..... I've been around long enough to see that He always, always, always comes through in the way He has determined to come through for you.  You may die.  You may be sick.  You may be in pain as you read this.  You may be evicted.  You may lose your husband.  You may have faced gossip, lying, exclusion from other Christians.  God is completely there with you, and if you went to Heaven today with everything I just listed having had happened, and all you ever were able to do was cleave, dwell, receive powerful ministry direct from God Almighty Himself daily, live in the power of the Holy Spirit within you, then you will have done well. 

This is not what we have or haven't been doing.  There's so much focus on what you need to do, what's wrong with you for not just trying more, etc.  BUT - we are certainly responsible for our INFLOW.  I do feel an absolute responsibility to cleave to God, to be a branch ON and IN the vine.  That's my job as His daughter.  If my house is a disaster and thirty loads of laundry await and the bills need to be paid, you better believe that if I don't focus first and foremost on my inflow from Jesus then I'm going to have a beaten down day.  My old life, my mistakes, the enemy will pound all day at me while I just try to live.  BUT - when my inflow, the powerful, sweet, glorious love and ministry from Jesus Christ is given my firstfruits of my day, the day goes 180 degrees in the opposite direction.  I have joy.  I have hope.  Circumstances aren't the challenge they would have been, because I know who holds my days, my future.
I have lost much.  Death, unemployment, financial struggle, hardship, rejection, exclusion, by Christians, by the world.  Sickness, pain.  It's all in my past and some in my today.  But Lord, I set my focus on You, right now, and completely surrender this all to you.  I let you pour your holy, glorious salve on it all, so I can see it for what it is - a powerful, glorious testimony, a precious Father working in what the world would call awful to create GLORY!!!  Precious, forever lasting, never fading, always hope causing Glory!!! 

I am not just your daughter or minister's wife, my Father.  I see me for what I am in you, your partner on this earth.  We meet daily at the pasture so I, your sheep, can learn what You have called me to today.  It is where I turn over angst and wretch and receive a robe from my Father and your signet ring.  I am that son of the home, and will operate completely as your emmisary, accepting no task that you have not told me to accept.

Today is a new day.

Healing is in Him. 

This life is full of second, third, three hundreth chances.  God never marks a failing grade on a test, you get to try again.

Love to you all.  Grace and peace from God the Father fall upon you, your homes, and your husbands and children today. 

Reman (abide) in Me, and I will remain (abide) in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.  John 15:4. 

Lastly, how can you engage in renewing your mind today?  Practically?  Meditate, chew, even obsess a little over this verse.  Explain it to yourself, preach a message on it to yourself.  Tell it to your children. Tell it to someone more broken than you and show them the way.  Let it be first and foremost in your mind and spirit today, even as you go about your tasks.  GIVE GOD HIS KINGSHIP TODAY IN YOUR SPIRIT. 

Big hugs.  And a grin or two :)  And if you've read this far, just know, I'm generally more lighthearted, but sometimes you gotta gets to the nitty gritty of how to overcome.  I'm glad yo' here.

November 16, 2011

A Meadow of Peace

Do not fear.

Do not be afraid.

Be very courageous.

Do not worry. 

I’m writing tonight about a key battle in my life.  When laying in bed trying to sleep, I’ve found that early in the morning, or late at night, the devil will use this vulnerable time, when I’m not fully alert but totally able to have my mind engage in the most painful of fear-driven worrying.  

I’m not putting up with it anymore, because fear paralyzes, causes doubt, doubt of yourself, your provision, and becomes rootsdeep into your soul.  As the verse in Proverbs says, you must guard your heart against this, because your heart, and your courage or lack thereof (amongst other feelings, emotions, including the Fruit of the Spirit), will determine the very course of your life. 

The time you are resting in the middle of the night is your time with God Almighty to REST.  As they say in Veggietales, to turn off the thinker.  What are your triggers?  You wake up to let the dog out (me), use the bathroom (me), hear the baby and listen to see if she goes back to sleep (me again)… and every time in some seasons, it’s an opportunity for the enemy of my soul and my family and my health to spew his hatred of me and my God by way of lies, sometimes screaming at me that God isn’t there, doesn’t care, doesn’t love me… and the list could go on.  My finances, my future, our ministry, our children, my health… I could panic, literally feeling my heart race some nights.

When my daughter was born, I was up so much of the night for the first few months.  And I didn’t guard my heart.  I let in ridiculousfears, that initially were semi-rational concerns, that became massive evil blooming footholds of discouragement, depression and fear.  Those roots bore fruit that took me months of concerted effort in the Lord to undo. 

By the mighty love and grace of God, He has led me out of that field of awfulness I had sown and into a meadow of peace in my soul.  Sometimes I wander out of that meadow, andregret wholeheartedly when I can see my wanderings manifest in poor attitude,grumpy conversations with my family, fuming about this or that “injustice”…. I can really lose sight quickly of that peaceful, quiet meadow if I’m not onguard.  I don’t take lightly any thought of worry or fear, because I know my weakness in that area.  I have to fight daily sometimes, especiallywhen my health is a serious challenge, I hear bad report after bad report fromfriends or family, or any multitude of opportunities that my God has to show himself strong. 

Moral of the story- You have to guard your rest offensively. Don’t just be on the defensive in the middle of the night, waiting foran attack of worry or fear.   Be prepared with even one short Bible verse, one praise lyric, a few things you are grateful for, on your heart and mind before you lay down at night.  Don’t wait to try to think of these things after you’ve worried about tomorrow for ten minutes in the middle of the night.  Take back your rest, guard your heart, for this will determine the course of your life. 

Love you all dearly. You are precious to me!!!

August 17, 2011

Believe God, People!!

Please take a few minutes and listen to me and my super dark hair talk to you for a few -

Gotta Get You Some Faith links-


Kari Jobe - You Are For Me

Kari Jobe - Healer

Hillsong - Forever Reign


Gateway Church, Southlake TX - Podcast

Bible: BibleGateway


Beth Moore - try Believing God or her Amazon page for more awesome stuff.

Go get you some faith today.  Go change your life and watch God change everything around you.  Just believe Him!!

With love,

April 30, 2010

Good news and Terry Tate, Office Linebacker

So, who likes good news?

Or babies?

If you like either, you'll like me.

We're just a tiny bit pregnant. I say a tiny bit because we're just six weeks along, but that's enough for me (obviously) to tell the world. And since my father already announced it on his adventure blog I figured, ah, what the heck. And shoot, husband put it on Facebook!

Sooo.... feeling fine, just super tired and whiny all the time. And retaining every drop of water I consume.

That's it for now.

Until I have a better attitude and am less bloated, I leave you with an inevitable laugh from Terry Tate, Office Linebacker -

And hurray for us and tiny little Small Pea (Week 6 size)!  Next week, you can call her Blueberry.


January 27, 2010

Do you... Segway?

Husband gave a great update on where things are at with us on his blog, leaving me to talk about Segways.

My dad's in town right now and he's great fun.  He has always been kinda daring, and now more than ever, is surprising us all with new adventures to pursue.  We were chatting about Jet Blue, and wondering if they were going to do their very awesome All You Can Fly pass again this year.  My dad said he'd like to go to Costa Rica.

Costa Rica?



My dad likes modern, safe, satellite, DVR, paved roads, assurance of services.  When I consider Costa Rica, my brain doesn't exactly associate an abundance of DirecTV.  Maybe I'm completely out of touch with Costa Rica - when I think Costa Rica, I think of incredible beaches... but anyway. 

So my adventurous father and my brother, husband and I went down to the Eggery for breakfast in Pacific Beach this last weekend for awesome food.  My father happens to glance over to a store across the plaza and leaps to his feet, exclaiming that they have Segways, and doggone it, he'd like to go see what it's all about! 

I, having just sat in the backseat driving down a busy major street to arrive at the Eggery fully carsick (weak sauce), just kinda said, well, sure dad, you go just have a look and get yer tush back here to order a'cause I'm needin' me some stomach-settlin' food already.  I figured he'd be back in a flash with some sort of pamphlet or something and we'd move along in our day. 

Oh, no. 

My brother, husband and I stared slightly openmouthed as my father donned a slightly silly looking bike helmet, leapt aboard a Segway, and proceeded to kinda awkwardly begin doing slow movements on the machine.   Lean forward, but not too fast, same with backwards, sideways, etc.  Then he started doing some practice runs in the store, figure eights, laps....  he started having this really great grin he gets when he's having a blast.

He rushes back to the restaurant and announces that we are all renting Segways for an hour when we're through with pancakes. 

My brother flatly refuses.  My husband, who's a good sport and will try just about anything, very graciously said he'd run a boring errand for me instead of Segway-ing. 

That left me.

Me is fine with any dorky-looking activity, and doesn't mind falling in front of crowds of cool beach people.  So, we signed up right after breakfast. 

We had a blast!  Flew along the beachwalk, along the marina, and saw lots of cool people, and folks, I didn't fall at all.  Once, I skidded to a halt (yes, you can skid on a Segway - but I've patented the secret and it'll cost you!).  That was about all the daring I could muster up.

People stared as if we were out of our ever-lovin' minds.  I figured no one would care about us on these things for the following reasons -

1 -we're fully clothed.  If we were in bathing suits, I would think it would be more watch-worthy.
2 -these things have been around awhile now.  It's not like it's 1998 and they just were invented or something.  We're old news on these things!
3 -there's a rental shop on the boardwalk, who give you a map/guide thing to help you navigate the boardwalk.  I'm sure people do this all the time. 

But, I was stared at.  People would stop walking and stare.  Stop conversations and walking and stare.  Once, we stopped to put some gloves on my dad's freezy fingers, and some people stopped walking, talking and waited to see how we got the Segways going again. 

My crippling stage fright almost got the best of me.

We had a really fun father/daughter bonding time that morning.  So glad I do not fear the dorkiness of things.

Later that day, we took my brother out to dinner at Flemmings for a birthday steak.  28 year olds need steak for birthdays.

YUMMMMMMYYYY  Filet Oscar-Style.

My brother was too busy eating Ribeye to look at the iphone camera.  Too dark for pictures anyhow.

That next day, we had a really awesome Sunday just husband and I intermittently napping and football watching. 

Coming back to work after football, naps, Segway-ing, family and steak is such a letdown :)

January 25, 2010

Mr. Scary Pants Doberman Who Lives in a Condo

So, do you have anything that looks like this living near your humble abode?

I came downstairs a few weeks ago for church Sunday morning. 

Waiting at the bottom was Mr. Scary Pants Doberman Who Lives in a Condo. 

My gosh.  He stared me down unlike any dog has ever done before.  I froze.  His owner, a half-asleep guy with pajamas yawned and text-messaged while I just about fell down the last ten stairs.  I have not been so intimidated by a dog EVER. 

I wish I had taken a photo... but what provokes a dog like this?  I haven't found a photo on google of a doberman looking like he looked at me.  I don't think that people who take photos like that live to blog about it though. 

Anyhoo.  I saw a native species on Amy's blog and felt inspired to share this petrifying moment of my life.

Mr. Scary Pants Doberman Who Lives in a Condo just seems to have that look though.  Not his fault he has teeth... and an expression that would melt your belly fat off.  For lack of a better expression.   When you're used to a face like this one -

You sometimes forget that there are more, shall we say, larger teeth, fangs, fearesomeness in the world. 

Most of the dogs near our condo complex look like this:


or even -

....... Mr. Doberman really does not get a lot of love in our neck o' the woods.  I've seen people skirt around him like he was.....  a big, mad, scary looking Doberman.

So while looking for the picture of my puppy with a tennis ball - maybe the worst photo of him that I have, but the ears!  The tennis ball!  So cute!  I found this photo -

Ha ha :)  Don't know why I find this photo I took at the San Diego County Fair last year so dang funny.

January 22, 2010

Interesting. Okay, not so interesting!

Lately?  Me?

Well, I've -

almost run out of See's lollipops from Christmas

almost forgot it had even been Christmas

found out I gained about 5 pounds from Christmas

decided that we were too good for sucky ol' you know where anyway

decided i want to go north or east for school

bought a home 60 hr tax course

got a Roth IRA

my dad came to town!  Will stay until Feb 15 in his really decked out (DirecTV satellite thingy, etc) RV a mile or two away from us. 

gained in the stock market

lost in the stock market

discovered that I read too much

...but I don't read enough

found pictured of my puppy when he was tiny, and pictures with him now -

and all in all have had a good first three weeks of 2010.

Had an amazing time in Hawaii for Christmas this year. 

It's good to be home.

And still not overly obsessing about schools.  Have to know that we'll end up where were supposed to end up!

Oh yes - and half the eucalyptus trees at UCSD fell over in the rain storms.  Silly trees forgot to grow roots!  Seriously, these eucalyptus (even spelled it correctly!) trees have thin, shallow, short roots, and as pretty and leafy as they are, have almost zero stamina to weather.

Lovely day to ya!

January 9, 2010

TAPE GUN!! Ode to the lost.

You are lost, dear tape gun.  I saw you but a few weeks ago.  Where did you fly to?

Tape gun, I cannot build boxes without you.


I have searched.  Dug.  Peered.  Even whimpered.  Alas, foul tape gun, you remain stubbornly hidden.

I have piles of books.  Don't you see, darned tape gun?

Heaps of items destined to be stored for just a short while.

No boxes though.  The boxes cannot be, they just cannot come to pass without you.

Maybe you're in the truck.

The truck went to seminary for the day.



January 8, 2010

The waiting!

...Is great! Is terrible! Is exciting! Is too many adjectives and too many exclamation points.

We’re waiting to hear back from schools for husband’s PhD applications. Could hear next week from our top school.

Yesterday, and I think on Tuesday, the days dragged on, I was not dealing well with the stress, and was just overly anxious.  Today, I'm mellow, smiling, and decidedly better perspective-ing.  Everything will work out great.  I think because the year has been nutso that I'm not in the most positive of perspectives.  And as my brother pointed out (and I think 60 or so other people have pointed out), either we're going or we're not going, and God knows anyway, so why worry? 

Monday, Wednesday and Friday – not bad. The days have been easier. Last night, husband and I went out to dinner, just the two of us. It’s been almost 3 weeks since we’d gotten to do that, what with the holidays and travelling. It felt like old times, when life was mellow-er, and was just so good to talk, laugh, and eat quiche and sweet potato fries. Food for the soul!

I figure that in the next week, I’ll tackle some fun and menial projects, like updating my Vista to Windows 7 (hurray, inexpensive license from work!), moving some stuff out of the tiny condo to a new 5’x6’ storage unit, walking the puppy, random web browsing, lots of movie watching.

I’ll tell you what I won’t be doing:

Looking at Waco housing prices.

Looking at Milwaukee housing prices.

Checking email every 10 minutes (I’ll keep it to, say, every 15 minutes – they notify candidates of admission via EMAIL. It’s strange how technology has reduced some of the greatest notifications in life to an EMAIL! I guess it’s better than US mail, which can take an unnecessarily long time to arrive?)

Dyeing my hair or thinking of dyeing my hair (too blonde! Story to follow later).

Talking about schools, applications, deadlines, anticipated decision dates, besides the occasional, casual update to folks who actually ask. I feel terrible for the people who have asked me how I’m doing this week. They were inundated with school talk. At least I stopped when their eyes began to glaze over... I think!

Drinking too much caffeine – this does not aid in the relaxing.

Anyway, here's the helpful biblical principle of today - whatever you sow, you reap.  Sowing crazy (thoughts, anxious thinking, etc.) will reap crazy.  Sowing mellow will reap mellow.  Sowing cheeseburgers will reap yummy tummy. 

Happy Friday, and even Happier Weekend!!

January 3, 2010

Happy Christmas to me ~ ~

All I want for Christmas is.....

The laundry done, folded, and put away.  Lame, oh lame am I.

This year, it was so nutso busy that about two days before we were supposed to leave for the last half of December, I had a meltdown about the list of 20 or so vital must-do things to take care of before we left. So, figuring I liked sanity more than money this year, I assigned about four of them to husband, then found a housekeeper-person, who in this case was a 24 year old guy who was out of work (unexpected!) who came and helped me get the house in order, the laundry folded, and everything done way better than I've ever done it myself.  

I left with a clean house and am home yesterday to a clean house, which is glorious in it of itself- going back to work tomorrow with the house in order is just a breath of fresh air. Have you ever came home from a trip, had to immediately get back to normal work schedule, then came home and had to do laundry all night? Tomorrow, I figure I'll brilliantly slog off to work (showered?) and smilingly get through the day and enjoy it to the best my tattered sleep schedule will allow (a week of Hawaii time followed by a week of Texas time) and do it all with a laid back sense of humor.  Why the $*@# not, right!

Best Christmas present? Holiday memories? You?

Happy Monday is Tomorrow and the Holidays Are Over till Memorial Day. :)

December 14, 2009

Funny, Part II

I finally did it.........

broke down.................

and am playing on my work Windows Media Player...............

get ready for it..........................................

no, really...............................................................


Thought I wouldn't bust out the Mariah Carey Christmas album this year, cause shoot, I'm mad and grumpy and sad about my mom, but heck, I'll take some happy.  And in this particular case, the happy happens to be in the form of Mariah Carey singing Silent Night and Santa Claus is Coming to Town

The only legitimate pop star Christmas album worth listening to - unless there are more? 

I doubt it. 

Unless you've got one.  Bring it, yo. 
Mariah will take you down any day.

All I want for Christmas is yooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu, baby!

Funny, not funny, depressing, hilarious.

Dear reader,

Are you searching for that perfect gift for that special someone who has everything?  Allow me to fix your problem!  

I tend to start a decent percentage of sentences with the phrase, "so, I was reading this article, and ....", with the .... meaning my opinion of the article.

So, I was reading this article today, a reminder of a subject near and dear to my heart - the sticky subject of loneliness. More studies and research are emerging to state something patently obvious – people, and a lot of them, are lonely. There are people in this world who will have to endure another lonely, painful Christmas/holiday season. The holidays (two full months of them, thanks to you lovely freakin' retailers) can bring reminders of the best of times and the worst of times.

You ever had something you cared about, but didn’t know what to do about it? This whole loneliness thing is one of those for me. I want to give everyone in this world a friend, or ten of em. But realistically, I figure I can only do so much. I can forgive, extend mercy, don't forget those with less than me, pause and consider the world around me and the suffering that is ever present. I can try to be more aware of people where you I to church, when I’m at a work meeting, and see folks who are by themselves -they might be alone because they really, really like hearing the sound of their own thoughts echoing in their head, or they just wish that someone would just notice them.

Yes folks, I've been the kid on the playground with no friends, sitting at the lunch table alone. I've been at church and didn't seem to be seen by anyone. I've been in work situations where I seemed irrelevant. I'm sure you could think of times when it's happened to you. I guess what I’m realizing is that Christmas and the holidays are the season that gives humanity the excuse to love and be unexpectedly generous.

I just got to tell someone that I cared for very much, that caused me some hurt, that all has been forgiven. It was the greatest feeling of joy and freedom I've felt in a long time. Life is too short to cling to bitterness if there’s a way to forgive. As my husband says, "unforgiveness (or bitterness or anger) is like wishing someone harm but you're drinking the poison" or something like that. You get the picture.

And, because here I go taking things so seriously again (dang it!!), a bit of hilarity. My current favorite video, in commemoration of the strangest Christmas I'll ever have (more on that later!) -

Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Does Weather in Hawaii

December 3, 2009

Hope floating

Have you ever read a blog, and the author describes a traumatic experience or minor kitchen disaster, like a plumbing leak that destroyed their floor and neighbor’s ceiling below? They take an unfortunate, potentially depressing and upsetting circumstance, and when they put pen to paper and relay it to a reader, it’s like the humor can’t help but emerge in the retelling. The author, regardless of original intent to complain about a problem, ends up laughing in their descriptions and story. The joy and laughter of life is found, even unintentionally.

That was my whole point in starting a blog.  I felt like I was taking life too seriously.  Figured I'd have a better perspective on things if I could just get it down on paper and realize that there was very little wrong.  I intended to start this blog almost nine months ago – but I was in school and working; I think there was just a lot on my plate at the time – but I honestly can’t remember what those things were at the time to make blogging so not possible with my schedule.

Since that time, my mom passed away, my husband was laid off (the job ended on the same day as my mother’s passing (!)) and is now following a dream of a PhD and applications are being submitted this week (go, Solid!!), I was furloughed, started a tiny home-based bookkeeping business essentially straight out of school with inadequate knowledge of bookkeeping (currently maintaining a couple of clients with a hint of terror every day that I’ll do something wrong!) and live in what I can charitably describe as a small condo with my husband, puppy, and two guinea pigs. (I thrive in wide open spaces folks. Space to move and breathe. I walk in the door and trip over stuffed and squeaky puppy toys, woodworking items and mitre saws.)

I thought I had stuff going on, and was busy then back in May? What, seriously, could I have had going on at that point that was SO important to not have time to write a few minutes every here and there? I have to laugh at my younger self, still in my twenties, with really no idea of the true pressure, both emotionally and physically, that would come - grief, job and financial adjustments, following dreams, and the intense process of being a part of applying for admittance to PhD/ThD programs. I am astounded that not one or all of these has caused me to search out the nearest overpass, if you know what I mean.

I don't know if I had definitive emotional stamina or strength of spirit before all of this summer's stuff.  I tell you, I wonder if I would have gotten to know God like I do if my mom hadn’t very unexpectedly died. My best friend – gone in a moment.  My world is still rocked to the core.  There are a lot of good days now, but some days I'm still barely still able to make it through work, a movie, or a church service without giving out emotionally.  Okay, sorry, not happy stuff at all, but there's a better ending!

I could not promise myself or anyone else that I could continue writing, but fear of the future should not be a barrier to a web-published testimony. God is good – and is near to those broken in spirit. When I reach for God, he is there. When I fall apart and give in to what the world decrees – there is no God – then I don’t have any ability to walk on. When I reach for God, after falling into total distress, if I just do as he said, to believe and have faith, I actually recover, and be stronger for the pain. The morning may be hellish, but there’s peace in the afternoon.

I've re-found joy in life, and love to laugh again. I smile and mean it. I laughed so hard today when I read Solid's blog, and found his latest "tribute blogger".

There's just so much in this world that can go wrong, but so much that can go right. Really looking forward to Christmas.

And bookkeeping rocks!

May 5, 2009

One Day.

One day, this blog will have a post. A real one. Not just a placeholder, or an alluring name, but a post to describe the Grime I slog through to pursue the Glory.


One day.

Today, however, is not that day.

Stay tuned :)